How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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