i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
