I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
