Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
