just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
