Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
need another drink. this is the easiest way
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
