It's like God shit irony all over that family
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
