i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
