you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So. Much. Porn.
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