I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
