I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
