Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
