Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
