24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
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