Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
