Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
