Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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