***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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