I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
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