Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
