Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
