I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
