From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
