Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
