You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
