I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
