and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
