As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
