If i could tip my vagina, i would.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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