Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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