That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just invented taco cereal.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
