my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
