U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
