...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
