i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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