Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
