they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
