Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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