well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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