it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
nutella sex= disaster
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
