Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
