Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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