we have pet lesbian snakes
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
