My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
