is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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