I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
