I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dignity is for republicans.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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