You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Send help, water and tortillas.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
