my room smells like sperm. sweet.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
