I want to make a zoo with you.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
