Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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