I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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