i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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